Monday, August 9, 2010

Soldier of New Media

I'm not the kind of writer to be reaching for a drink, but right about now I'd be reaching for my cat, if he were still here, and not a furry 'soldier of new media' since it was a selfish desire to try to make a go at this which made me realize I couldn't keep him too.

The words aren't stacking up. I'm too angry about too many things, and too stressed out to come through with the breezy and fun and maybe a bit quirky tone that readers have come to expect from the weekly e-newsletter.

Last week's coverage of the fest wore me out, as did my vacation which ended early due to an ill cat, and then my decision to give up my cat to a no-kill shelter because I'm just not sure I can handle the expense, and then him not sitting on my lap when I write, and running into the worst possible person I could possibly run into on an otherwise peaceful Sunday afternoon, well, it's all adding up right now into something called misery.

But that's okay. I've been down misery's long and winding road before. And somewhere along the way I just forget why I'm there on that path and enjoy the process of walking itself, one foot in front of the other, a person could do it for hours.

And I guess now it's back to the newsletter. I need to find that joy soon, to remember why I'm writing it, for the readers, and for the fact I get such positive reinforcement and it does serve a purpose: places opening, others closing, people snapshots, a central voice tying it all together, even if the voice is struggling to figure out how it can continue to exist. I'm burnt out from selling, from little checks that come in, and little checks that don't, and the fact I have to keep asking for money from advertisers, many of whom are struggling like the rest of us.

There's two kinds of people who get into community politics: those who want to help the community in some way, and those who want something. I'm in both camps because I want to help my readers by strengthening an evolving communication pipeline which is reliable and trusted and informed by many sources from which I spend hours listening to and then hours more aggregating, and I do want something too. I'd like to continue writing about the community. Does that latter desire serve just myself?

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