I have to add "Milw Damen North" to any mention of Six Corners, lest it be confused with the real Six Corners in Portage Park. In any case, per this Sun-Times notice, it looks like there is a zoning amendment hearing on April 26 at 10AM in relation to changing the area where the former Midwest Bank stands from a limited business use area to a Community Shopping District.
The increased foot traffic will bring more business to area businesses. I guess the question is which business will it be? The rumor mill seems to be saying "Walbeaen's", but no one really knows at this point. Or maybe everyone does know and I'm just out of the loop for once, unable to catch up on neighborhood happenings because I am making cold calls from a cubicle a few neighborhoods north.
So that's why there's no pipeline today. For the past three months and twelve pipelines, I have been spending most of my daily breathing time outside of the hood, only to return in the evening when I'm exhausted from looking at a screen all day.
Honestly I don't even know if anyone actually missed it this week. Please excuse the fishing. I need a boost to remind myself that what we're doing matters, to more than just myself, or Phlash, or Pat, or Dika. And, if it does matter, will a community rally around the existence of a communication pipeline?
Thus far I view the participation in the Pipeline booklet as proof that dozens of local businesses believe in the pipeline. Sure, some paid a small amount and others a bit more, but at the end of the day there was support given to us which makes me feel like we're at an important future crossroads. Do we realize we're not going big these days, that we are doing the equivalent of catching the pass and then unable to run with the ball down the field, and scurry off in defeat (or recognition of reality)? Or do we go big and don't look back?
Not knowing the answer to these questions puts me in an undesirable state of limbo. General unease. Driftless-ness. Discomfort. I fluctuate from thinking cold calling in a cube all day is better than reporting on a neighborhood, to being angry with myself for not living up to my true potential and taking a risk in lieu of a paycheck.
In this economy, I'd rather have a paycheck than a risk. But if that means at the expense of sacrificing self expression and creativity, once practiced on a daily basis and now confined to nights, mornings, and weekends, is it worth the exhaustion?
Two people think I should take a pill to curb the anxiety. I keep saying that I do not need a pill. I need TIME. If there is a pill that will turn two hours into 12, I'll take that. But until then, I remain crazed and confused and wondering if anyone can cover this story at city hall on the 26th at 10AM since I'll likely be cold calling, which, come to think of it, is better than being around lawyers who ask you questions about whether or not your newspaper is real and if you sit around all day in your pajamas.
I wish.
-30-
The pipeline is no longer considered a "risk," since it's what I consider, an established and still growing newsletter for the Wicker Park/Bucktown community. Just because there wasn't an issue THIS week doesn't mean it isn't missed, nor if no one says it's missed, does it mean it's not. If a pill helps you make believe you have 12 hours instead of 2--well, take that pill. And you're most definitely correct in thinking that the participation you've received so far in the Pipeline booklet indicates we believe in your newsletter, so for those that don't, we don't care about them. At the end of the day, we have to remember there are people out there who believe in us, even though it's so much easier to rant about those who don't and/or about how tiring it is to keep on truckin'. Believe me, I feel you. And it's okay to take that break, rant about it and ask for validation, but then we have to get back on that truck because there are people out there who are counting on us to deliver the goods.
ReplyDeletehey mindy.. thanks so much for your support.
ReplyDeletethe risk I am referring to is whether or not I should leave my full-time job and truly devote all of the energy and time into the pipeline that it needs in order to grow. it cannot get better late at night and on weekends. and i cannot seem to balance my day job, plus pipeline, plus a healthy personal life too. at this point, cracking into IRA, getting a small business loan, and even a roommate if worse comes to worst, all seem better than doing something that i am not fully invested in for 40-plus hours each week.
as D. said, it is like i have caught the ball on the football field, and then i'm just standing there, frozen.
i am so grateful to the many who've supported the pipeline, and already the booklet is coming along, lots of fun ideas and ways to feature the advertisers from an editorial perspective vs. just putting a bunch of ads together in a booklet. and for those who do not think the pipeline is worthy of advertising in, you are right, i should focus energies on those who believe in it. there is no shortage there and i do feel very thankful as well as excited to work for these people and to promote their businesses.
because i am behind on my numbers at my day job, i was asked if i am planning to come into work on saturday. i said that i wasn't sure. there were tears in my eyes at the prospect of being in my cubicle on saturday.
last sunday i ended up soliciting and popped in on a few businesses that i've featured in the pipeline. their response at seeing me was, "where have you been?"
indeed, i miss being a face on the streets every day. i miss knowing what is happening. i miss talking to people and seeing them and staying ACTIVE. part of the reason i have all of this Sciatica and back problems is b/c i sit all day in a cube.
my mom says i should look for a new job. it is not the job. i like my job as jibs go. it's just that i LOVE the pipeline more than i like my job. there is nothing else in this world that i want to do except for the pipeline. well, there are other things, but professionally i would love to see the pipeline grow and expand and become a real business.
i am 35 years old. fed up with myself. sick of the sound of my own whining. but faced with the question of how can i accomplish what i want to do while still making sure i can go to the doctor and have medicine when i am sick?
anyhoo, enough complaining.
hope you have a good day.
miss you, love you!